She is Infinity

Twelve years ago, give or take some days, two women introduced themselves over the call centre partition that separated their desks.

We both worked ingloriously in the personal loans department of a finance company, and the office had decided to move floors. We’d never met, until that day.

I might have passed her off for your average wedding band toting Indian woman. Except she dressed wrongly. And spoke the Queen’s English too loudly. And exhibited the kind of dark humour that instantly recognised my own.

She might have passed me off for your standard snooty white girl. Except for the book lying on my desk, boldly announcing my current ethical dilemma, The Battle with Beef.

“What’s the book you’re reading?” She asked, and so began a lengthy conversation about my studies, and anthropology, and the general state of the universe.

Then she asked to read one of my essays.

From that day forward, she read every single word I put to paper. And in the course of time, reminded me what it was I once dreamed of becoming. She still does – and a whole lot more besides.

I wouldn’t say her twelve years of belief in me have been well spent. There’s only one thing scarier than having no one who believes. And that’s finding someone who does.

Somehow, despite my flair for self sabotage, she still has faith.

In all the years we’ve known each other, I’ve never been able to put into words what it is she means to me. I’d say it’s past time, wouldn’t you?

water-snakes-ii

Gustav Klimt – Water Snakes II

Seems like a lifetime ago, yesterday
Our names were introduced.
What’s in a name?

It’s a cataclysm
A beginning and an end
A whole new looking glass.

You gave me, me.
You gave me, you.
You gave me, infinity.

Who knew that worlds apart
Together
We would find a home?

Sometimes I think I ruined you
And even as I do
Your eternal hope meets my eternal gloom…

Never too late, you say.
Take my hand, and shed another skin
Of new tomorrows.

Secret lives and
Sacred lies and
Finally we come into the light.

Sometimes I wish time stood still
So we could be who we were yesterday
Today.

Everyday I wish that I could be
The woman you make me want to be
Tomorrow.

The one who turns to You
And says
It’s all going to be alright.

This is not the end.
This is the beginning
Of the Age of Us.

Twelve years to infinity
And not a moment left to lose
Except with you.

Thank you, Aneeta. My Heroine. My Goddess. My Infinity. ;)

If you had to thank someone for the person you are today, who would it be?

Comments

  1. says

    Absolutely beautiful Alarna… lovely thoughts and lovely words…
    Talking of beef – have you read ‘My Year of Meat’
    one of the funniest, most poignant and most moving testaments to the horrors of eating beef… I must go and look for it, – suddenly I feel like reading it again !!

  2. says

    Oh Alarna! Wow! What can I say! Absolutely beautiful! Wishing you both a lifetime together filled with happiness and love!
    I recognize myself so much in your words Alarna: “There’s only one thing scarier than having no one who believes. And that’s finding someone who does.”

  3. says

    What a wonderful salute to one of the most important influences in your life. I would give credit to my children for making me who I am. It was the realization that I am their role model that got me back into following my dream. I want them to know how important it is never to give up on something we want passionately. For that reason, I am taking risks – unheard of before they came into my life.

    • says

      It’s one of the things I love about your story, Kate! So many people seem to give up on their dreams when they have children. The fact it has motivated you to take it seriously is awesome – and hugely inspiring in itself :)

  4. says

    Alarna, this is a beautiful post and the poem is wonderful! I think you express more of who she sees in you in these posts than you think you do. Perhaps, you need to find the courage to do more of this? With love and light from the other side of the world….Kim

  5. says

    What an incredible way to meet — although I suppose it shouldn’t seem so improbable to me, because I met a wonderful friend when we were both working in a relatively crappy legal research job. As far as who I could thank for being the person I am, I wouldn’t have said this a few years ago, but I would thank my parents for always appreciating and having faith in the creative activities I do.

    • says

      I know what you mean on both counts, Chris. The best things happen to me when I’m not looking for them…and I’d say being able to appreciate the influence of parents is one of the best things about growing up :)

  6. says

    Alarna, this right here is exactly I feel: “There’s only one thing scarier than having no one who believes. And that’s finding someone who does.” A few friends of mine are so “sure” I will write a book one day. It makes me feel terrified of letting them down.

    • says

      Strange how it can be gratifying and terrifying all at once, but the pressure!! Makes me want to plug my ears and do a “nanana” dance… It’ll happen when and if the time is right (that’s what I tell myself)… :)

  7. says

    Numerous people have made a difference at points in life’s time, I’d find it difficult to craft it to one person to thank, but as time opened up, it went a brother, a mate, a lover, my wife, and the many family, friends, and strangers in between, and up ahead..

  8. says

    hello, Alarna… one needs only one person believing in her, to believe that she can, true. what a nice post…

    thank you for coming over and for your concern. my family and i are safe, thank you. appreciate the concern. :) hope things are going well…

      • says

        oh, the supertyphoon is about 600 km from where my family and i are. but you see, five years ago, we were also victims a supertyphoon, 10 feet of water and tons of rain for 24 hours. we never recovered from that… everything was just washed out. we’re lucky nobody, from the family died or was injured. but life has never been the same… the recent typhoon is worse so, i can imagine how bad it is for those hit…

        again, thanks… :)

  9. says

    Okay. This is only the second post of yours I’ve read and I’m all teary eyed, dang it! But the good news is, I heart you big.
    “There’s only one thing scarier than having no one who believes. And that’s finding someone who does.” Very true words. Very. But it’s also the best thing in the world, yes? I think I have more than one person to thank.

  10. says

    Wow Alarna, you are an incredibly gifted woman, writer, poet. I have rarely read something so touching and real without being cheesy. It sounds like the two of you are inspiring and completing each other in a beautiful and unique way. It goes both ways. I wish you wonderful holidays!

    • says

      Thank you for your very generous compliment. This was the most personal post I’ve ever written, and it was a real challenge to say what needed to be said. So it means a great deal to hear you say it touched you.

Trackbacks

  1. […] can’t help myself but thinking about these words from a blogger and writer I love, Alarna Rose Gray: “There’s only one thing scarier than having no one who believes. And that’s finding […]

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