On 21 June, I noticed a tweet by my dear Twitter pal, Tessa, that read:

“Paul’s very ill…Scared witless. Ambulances here.”

Not knowing it was the evening of her birthday, I immediately replied, sending hope that everything would be okay.

It wasn’t.

A few hours later, I was hearing the unthinkable words…

“The love of my life, one beautiful, funny, rock of a man has died.”

Since then, though we brush paths on Twitter, I observe her grief, feeling utterly helpless that, in this digital world, all we have are words. And empty words of comfort don’t do justice to a thing like this.

This is my personal attempt to imagine what it must be like to lose someone so dear – which is to say, unfathomable. It’s dedicated to Tessa, just because…I don’t know what else I can do.


Emptiness is not nothingness.
It is the absence of
That was there.
A void so great
It sucks life
Out of the air
And turns you
In. Side. Out.
Unsure, anymore
What space you occupy
What time you travel
Non-linear as the day
They left.

Black Hole

Where am I?
Who am I?
Were you even here?
And if so,
Show me the exact
Dimensions of the space
So I can stuff it full and
Shut. The. Door.

Locked Door

But no.
It’s a space where only you can go.

Never the same
For having met you.
Forever changed
Now that you’re gone.

Am I supposed to thank you?
Am I supposed to curse the day
You ever came and made a place
Where only memories
Loudly of your loss?

Time heals all
Blah blah blah
Well, fuck time.
And fuck the big bang who created it.
I’ll exist.
Right here
Beside you.
Wherever it is that you went.
Until we’re done…..

Please visit Tessa’s post on Paul, while you’re there, read the Valentine’s Day post she wrote for him last year. Send her some love…


Credit for original source images is as follows:

‘Dark tunnel – Please stay here’ by Karoly Czifra
‘Empty page’ by Shirin Winiger

Susie Strong

I wasn’t going to post this week. Then I heard about Susie Lindau’s latest Wild Ride.

The Big C. Cancer. And a double mastectomy. Taking place today.

Just a twist in the road, she says. And, somehow, finds a way to laugh

Susie is an inspiration – always cheerful, always welcoming. And I never cease to be in awe at how she does the things she does.

As fellow wild riders, Susie and I couldn’t be more different.

Where in snow I’d be hugging a fire and a mug of mulled wine, Susie is taking a plunge

Where I am dancing on the inside, Susie is getting down Gangnam Style

Where I am holding down the brakes, Susie is strutting her scars.

If I was going to pick someone to take the Universe on for me – I’d pick Susie, every time.

Whatever higher power is responsible for sending you this latest roadblock, Susie, with a spirit like yours, there’s only one thing to be said…

Can’t touch this.

Stay strong, Susie!
Our thoughts are with you.

Many thanks to Maria, aka brickhousechick, for reaching out across the globe to include Australia in the Susie Strong message.  Please head over to Susie’s blog and send her some positive vibes today.

Sunshine in the Rain

If you’ve ever visited Melbourne, you may be aware of our obsession with the weather.  Four seasons in one day is more than just a cliché here.

But in the past couple of years, since La Nina paid her visit and ended a decade long drought, winter rains have lingered into murky grey summers, only to return another season of gloom.

It’s been feeling like one endless winter of the sun-starved mind.

With the recent announcement that La Nina is officially over, we were just beginning to believe that summer’s on its way.  But then she struck again.

Without warning, in the middle of the night, we woke to a bone shattering thunderclap.  The heavens opened, and there came the rain.

It poured and thundered through the morning, only to be mirrored in our collective mood.  With one mind, we thought – will La Nina never end?

But then, as suddenly as the storm had come, it departed.  By the afternoon, its traces were erased by gleaming sun.

Sometimes, life is like that.  There are people we meet for whom winter is especially long and cruel.  We witness in their eyes a never ending rain.

It’s impossible for them to see the parting of the clouds, or the shards of sunlight peering through.  And yet, for us, the miracle is plain to see.

This post is written for someone I care deeply about, who this week has been lost within the storm…

For anyone in pain today, I wish you Sunshine in the Rain.


Credit for images is as follows:

Storm Warning by Katrin Blumenschein, courtesty stock.xchng
Rainbow Field by Jason Wickens, courtesy stock.xchng