A silent, mysterious predator, She lies in wait.
An ever tightening coil of despair that closes in with age, and the cries of another one down.
Cries that echo all the evil things you’ve ever done and not done, as She eats the person next to you alive.
Then turns to you.
Alien – H. R. Giger Pitch by Dan LuVisi
Cancer is a Bitch.
She makes you wish for a past you never valued, because the promise of a loved one’s future is now gone.
Then hate yourself for knowing if tomorrow came again, it would probably look the same as it did yesterday.
And there She has you, paralysed in a pool of poisonous regret.
Tracing back to the precise moment She showed up. Only to realise it was probably a moment just like the one you’re having now.
Right there with her ugly, unhatched spawn.
Where’s Sigourney Weaver when you need her?
(Barely two months out from her 70th celebration, my mother’s twin was diagnosed with a massive, malignant brain tumour. The prognosis is not good. There were few signs, apart from what the doctors thought was a debilitating depression. Turns out there was a reason, after all.)
If you knew how you were going to die, would you change anything?
Alarna Rose Gray 
Brain tumours are tough. They’re so flipping sneaky and awful.
I am so sorry about your aunt. Cancer is a bitch. And I am very sorry for your mom. And for you of course.
If I knew I was going to die … I think that’s a long answer. The short version is the same as Isaac Asminov’s: I’d type a little faster.
Oh, I love that answer. I think that’s exactly how I would approach it, too. Starting now 🙂
So sorry, Alarna. We’ve lost three family members to cancer and we’d like nothing more than to kick that bitch’s ass ourselves, we’d settle for Sigourney Weaver though. Sending much love and support to you and your family, sweetie.
If we had one day, Mathair said she would do everything she ever feared doing, while I would eat myself into a coma. Mine’s rather petty when placed by hers, but I love food and have to watch what I eat constantly… so, yes… I’d eat myself to a quicker death.
I’m all for eating (and drinking) myself into a quick death! Way better than strange diets and radioactive treatments. You want to enjoy your last days, right? 🙂
Thank you so much. That’s horrible you’ve had to go through it so many times… I hope one of these days they come up with a way to smite that biatch!
Live life large!!! I just went through this as you know and it was a shock. I will send prayers.
Oh, I know. Move over Sigourney Weaver, Susie’s coming through! I can only hope to be half as positive as you should that time ever come for me. Thanks for your prayers xo
So very sorry! I try to live each day as if it were my last, to grab life by the throat and shake it! We are are terminal after all~
“We are all terminal after all”. So true. When you say it like that, it takes a bit of the sting out of it. Keep shaking it, Cindy 🙂
Alarna, I’m so sorry to hear this news… I’ve got goose bumps reading your words… Cancer is really a F#@$ bitch… Thinking of you and your family and sending much love…
I don’t think I would change anything if I knew I was going to die but I would certainly give myself a huge kick in the bum to edit this freaking book….
Cancer is nothing if not a huge kick up the bum! Thanks so much, Rita xo
This is terrible. I don’t know why such terrible diseases fall upon good natured humans. I hope everything becomes alright. I myself am dealing with an almost similar situation. 🙂
I’m so sorry to hear you are also facing this. Indeed, it does seem to enjoy striking down the good ones. I’ll never understand it… Much love to you and yours. Xo
😦
I hate cancer and wish I could change your aunt’s prognosis. It takes courage to hear bad news and keep going.
If I knew I were going to die, I’d squeeze in as much travel as I could handle. Right now, though, I’m more interested in what your aunt will do.
So far, I think my aunt is using as a means of making peace with life. Which is a good thing, whatever else may or may not happen. Travel is one of those things that always seems to get put off. I hope you grab your chance to see the world!
Dear Alarna…cancer is a scarey stalker; your poem is powerful; the situation incredibly sad. I think if I knew I had a limited time to live (which of course we all do) I would work less, travel more, explore beautiful places with wild life more, and spend more time with the people I love. Illuminating rumination. I will put you and your aunt in my prayers. Hugs from Kim
Thanks, Kim, that means a lot. And yes, very illuminating realisation. Funny how money never factors into it when it all boils down…hugs back. Xo
Cancer is a real bitch isn’t it, such a shitty disease. I’m sorry to hear about your Aunt.
If I knew I was going to die I think I would start buy buying $50 bottles of wine rather than $8 ones. I’d quit work and spend my time with the people I love.
In fact, I reckon it would be a good time to wrack up debt in that pursuit! Don’t have to pay if off once you’re gone, right? 😉 (I’ve got my eye on a $25,000 bottle of scotch. Just once, I’d like to see how that tastes…)
Stay strong, Alarna. All the best to you and your family.
Thanks heaps, Millie xo
That’s terrible. Cancer is indeed a bitch. My heart is with you, remember that it’s okay to laugh, cry and be angry. Regardless of what happens I will keep you and your family in my thoughts. Much love.
Much love back to you, Nicole. Thanks so much xo
I’m so sorry, Alarna. What a shock. Sending prayers and hugs. Cancer has reared it’s ugly head in the lives of too many friends and loved ones. The latest, my 4 year old niece. Went to the doc in Jan. for flu like symptoms. The doc sent her straight to the children’s hospital. She was admitted and diagnosed with leukemia, started on chemo the next day. Yesterday we got word that her cancer is in remission. I hope it doesn’t come back. No matter what age a person is struck by cancer, it’s just as ugly and just as heart wrenching. God bless your aunt, and your whole family. Xoxo
Oh, Lynn! That’s so awful! I don’t get how cancer can brew in ones that young… their systems are so pure…I’m glad to hear she’s in remission. May it stay the hell away from her for good! Much love, prayers and hugs back to you xoxo
Sending you much love and peace during this time, Alarna. I am so sorry to hear about your aunt. May grace abound during these days. xoxo
Thanks so much, Liz. Grace…yes, we could all do with a little bit if that right now xoxo
So sorry to hear that, Alarna. And that’s a good question you pose at the end of the post. I don’t know . . . in some ways I would want to just enjoy my favorite parts of life, the simple things. I don’t see myself going on some big excursion. I’d probably eat more ice cream though.
Funny how it does come down to the simple things, like ice cream. Nothing like a little bit if indulgence to make one feel alive. Thanks Nina xo
So sorry you are all going through this difficult time. Stay strong! 🙂
Thanks Maria. We’re doing our best!
I was glad to read that your aunt is making peace with life Alarna… that seems to me the most important thing whether we’re seventeen or seventy.
Hope all her family are able to accept it peacefully too… it’s the resisting that often makes it harder.
What a kind, insightful comment, Valerie. Thank you. And it is so true…I think everyone has been in too much shock to do much resisting. But hopefully we can just come together and support her.
“She makes you wish for a past you never valued”
You’re incredible.
How sweet you are…
Wishing you and your aunt the best, Alarna.
Thanks, Kate xo
I’m so sorry you and your family are hurting. Wishing you only the best, Alarna.
Bless you, Coleen… and to you, too xo
I’m so sorry to hear about your Aunt, Alarna.
Hey, thanks Aussa. I’m relying on you to keep me smiling 😉
I’ll do my darndest!
yes, cancer is a bitch. i think you read my Two and a Half Smiles series about our mom, her battle with the Big C? how it debilitated me, for some time, how life could be taken away, with such fury and ruthlessness… 🙂 be there for your aunt and mom. it’s usually very painful – for the patient and for the people close to her. my heart goes out to you. hugs… 🙂
I do remember you writing about your mum’s fight, yes. And I remember you needing to be see her through it. What you say is true, and wise. My aunt has been there for my family a lot over the years, so I plan to be there in whatever way I can. Much love to you xo
oh, the hard part must be in seeing a once strong and able person being incapacitated and hurting, in many ways… give her reason to smile and make the last months and days memorable, delightful somehow… hi, Alarna, catching the love… 🙂
So sorry to hear about your aunt! Much love to you and your fam.
Thanks, Britt. I’m sending it back to you and yours, as well 🙂
Sorry to hear about that. If I knew that it was my last day, I would probably just walk around appreciating the world in simple ways that I probably don’t indulge in enough — I’d play with cats, watch the sky and ask random people questions with unbridled curiosity. I guess the clear lesson is that I could use more of all that in my life. I think I’m getting better at it in general.
“Ask random people questions with unbridled curiosity” – that makes me smile 🙂
It’s not my fear of dying that I fear, it’s watching what it does to friends and family.Yes, Cancer is a bitch and few of us haven’t been affected by it. So sorry to hear about your aunt. Every day I have is a gift and a blessing. Thank you for sharing, Alarna.
Thanks Lynne. Yes, watching what it does and feeling powerless to help – no fun at all. The way it puts things in perspective, though…I am glad, at least, for that.
Aunts are cool people, so many stories, so much life, the best always. Never stop listening, and lending a hand where possible, soulful friend.
On the question perhaps; I’d like gravity to be a little less harsh than it can be at times.
One day medical science would conquer it completely.that is my hope.may our next generation benefit.but who knows if some other disease comes and rules that day? 😆
As long as we are alive, I’m sure there will be something to fight against…But we can hope.