There’s a standing joke in my little household about how, if I were forced to fend for myself in the wild, I’d never survive.

Something about the cruelty of having to fight over scraps of raw meat and berries just doesn’t appeal to my slothful sensitive nature.

But now that I’ve seen The Walking Dead and freaked myself out with the likelihood of an impending apocalypse, I thought it time to put that to the test.

Across town is Yong Green Food, a vegetarian café where the vegetables are practically jumping onto the plate.

There’s an array of raw food options, and I’m not talking salad.

Rawsagna. What’s that, you say?

Rawsagna. Layers of RAW zucchini, mushroom, avocado, cashew cream and walnut bolognese.

For the less raw inclined, there are slightly more cooked options.

Oyster Mushroom Calamari.

Quinoa Fritters.

Buckwheat Crepes. Hang on a minute.

This menu is starting to sound suspiciously familiar.

Back in rural Tasmania, when vegetarianism was most definitely not on the ‘cool kids’ list, ‘Yuckwheat’, cashew cream and ‘Quin-oh-ugh’ were staple parts of the diet.

Along with many other weird and wonderful things. Like brown rice and corn bread and gluten steaks, goat’s milk and soy cheese and almond ice-cream –

Well, anyway. I should be feeling right at home by now. Except I think that I’ve regressed.

The Dragon Bowl with soy beef slices?

I don’t know. Fake meat doesn’t have the same appeal it used to have.

And although everything looks and tastes way better than I ever knew raw food could taste…

Tiramisu with cashews and coconut cream just can’t compare to the real thing.

Back at home, with my gardening skills being, well, what they are…

…I’m now more convinced than ever I have no chance of surviving in a raw food, post-apocalyptic world.

Of course, I’m dreaming. If zombies really took over, we’re more likely to be eating cans of cat food than cashew cream…

Zombie fodder, here I come!

What are your chances of surviving in the wild?